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Relationship Tips
Relationship Keys
Relationship Problem Help
Relationship Problems
And Talking Styles
Ah, to be in love. It feels
great.
Then, time passes, things happen,
and it can begin to fade, to be replaced with relationship problems like
arguing and distancing and loneliness.
A lot of relationship problems can be helped simply by learning about the
differences in talking styles. The genders talk in basic ways that are
different, obviously. For example, women will communicate many times just to
connect with their partner. Men prefer to communicate to make needed points
and to solve problems.
This often becomes a source of frustration in relationships. The talking
styles we have can cause conflict and separation rather than bringing us
together. Becoming more aware of not only your talking style but your mates
can make a big difference in how much intimacy you experience in your
relationship.
First, lets discuss male talking styles. Understand that we are speaking in
generalities here, but a basic male style could be called Dominant Driving.
Men like to take charge in a conversation. They do this in several ways. But
men are territorial, so they like to stake their claim in conversations.
They may interrupt, they try to get to the point, they may be more
argumentative, they may try to convince and make their points firmly.
Also, men like to problem solve. It is the hunter killer instinct. If there
is a deer and you need meat, you have to kill the deer. If there is a
problem, then you have to kill the problem. You have to solve it if you can.
So men like to identify problems (the boss sucks, your sister is a mess) and
then, whenever possible, offer solutions (you should get a new job, your
should tell your sister to stop being a doormat). Just note that men don't
have to have good solutions, but they will offer them up.
A normal talking style for women is often to converse to connect and
reflect. They don't need to have things figured out. They often aren't
trying to get to a resolution. They don't need to dominate their partner
with points or a solution. They actually share their thinking process out
loud as a way to connect.
So women will share about the boss sucks, then say but the boss has been
having a hard time with their marriage. They are sharing their intimate
thought processes. Yes, they think the boss sucks. And yes, they relate it
to the boss may suck because of marriage problems. They are connecting with
their mate, sharing their inner process, not trying to hurry to a
resolution. They can be more circular and considered.
This can drive a guy crazy. If the boss sucks, you've identified the deer
that needs to be killed. Identifying that the deer is having problems with
Bambi's Dad is irrelevant to the man. That seems to be useless information.
Just shoot the deer by telling it off or by getting a transfer or whatever.
There is ton more to this, but if you can understand talking in a linear way
to get points across and identify and kill off problems, you can understand
a lot of male communication. And if you can appreciate a woman often likes
to talk to share and reflect and connect, you can understand a lot of female
communication. A great thing to do is to try to communicate in your partners
talking style from time to time and see what happens!
Relationship problems can usually
be solved by increasing your relationship intelligence. You can fix
relationship problems more easily when you add to your love skills.
Love doesn't just happen, it needs some focus and positive action.
This is easy to do if you spend a little time on it. |
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