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Fix
Relationship With Healthy Arguing
Arguments are going to happen from time to
time between two independent adults. A lot of us think our relationships
are bad if we argue, but that is not necessarily true. You can get
Loving Marriage Help on this here.
Arguing in an unhealthy way, however, can be a BIG problem. Even just a few
arguments that are unhealthy can cause serious damage to your relationship.
Making each other wrong, screaming, threatening, withdrawing can kill off an
otherwise good relationship.
Unhealthy arguing that damages the relationship occurs in several ways. The
first common way is when one or both of you attack the other, or withdraw
into silence for days. Attacking your mate, yelling at them, screaming or
deriding them is a bad way to argue. Another negative way to argue is to
withdraw for hours or days and refuse to talk with your mate. Both
attacking and withdrawing lead to problems.
An additional bad way to argue is to show contempt or scorn for your mate.
Saying hurtful things like "you're worthless" creates damage that lasts a
long time. If you say things like this to your mate or they say things like
this to you, you definitely should make it a priority to learn to argue more
healthily.
Here are some healthy ways to argue. First, try to breathe through your
anger or fear. Focusing on your breathing can help you to stay calm and
present. This can take a while to learn, but it helps. You can get more
marriage advice
here.
It can take a good while to learn to do, but the next thing is to focus on
de-escalation. This means to lower the volume and temperature of the
arguing. See if you can get your mate to calm down by talking more softly
yourself. Act in a non-threatening way and give them some space.
An additional powerful method for good arguments is to ask your mate this
important question: What's important to you about this issue? Then LISTEN
without interrupting or attacking them. Then see if you can share your
views about what's important to you. This will often lead to compromise.
After the argument, see if you can reconnect with your partner quickly
rather than let the distance and silence build up. Say something like
“sorry we argued, are you okay?” There is a lot more involved in turning
conflict into caresses, but these things are a good start. You can get a
complete system about
How To Get Love
Relationship Advice here.
Don't take your relationship for granted by underestimated the damage that
unhealthy arguing can create. Spend some time learning to fight well
and it can keep your relationship from going down the drain.
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