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Relationship Tips
Relationship Keys
Relationship Problem Help
Fix Relationship Problems By
Learning To Keep True Love
Ah, to be truly in love. Oh, what
a feeling! Movies and songs are made about it. We all are led to believe
that there is one true love out there and we won't be truly happy until we
find it. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking leads to way more
relationship problems than it fixes. Here's why:
We spend a good amount of time trying to find true love. When we find it, it
feels great. We feel totally loved and in love. We are
in bliss at times. We love everything about them. But, this lasts only
for a little while.
As time passes we find that little things about them start bothering us,
like do they leave the toilet seat up or down? We also start to feel like we
don't want to spend all of our time with them, we want a little space.
Or, we feel upset if they want some space and don't seem to want to spend
all their time with us like in the beginning. Have we lost our true love?
No, we haven't. Understand this point and you will be doing great. This is going to happen for all of us.
Researchers have found
that relationships have phases. They call the first phase of a new
relationship the oceanic love phase. This is where everything is great and
we feel so loved and loving towards our mate. It is a powerful bonding
phase. It feels great.
But all good things come to an end, and research says that after six months
or thereabouts we begin to move into the me-us phase. We start to separate
some. We want our own space or feel hurt by our mate wanting theirs. We
begin to have a few conflicts. We feel the need to have our own friends or
work on our own interests and goals some. This is normal.
If we didn't move apart some, we wouldn't be able to function well in the
world. We'd be a merged mess with our partner, trying to get all our
happiness from each other, which doesn't work long term. We each have to
move on with our lives separately and as a couple, we have to take our
journeys.
So if you want to keep true love in your life, understand this: Don't give
up on love because you move out of the oceanic love phase. Love is bigger
than that. Physical attraction is just one part that will rise and fall.
True love means learning to love the whole person, the parts you think are
good and the parts you don't like so much.
And understand that
conflict will occur even with true love. Two healthy
adults will pull in separate directions from time to time. True love
includes conflict and working things out when they get a little
uncomfortable, not running away. You don't get to keep true love until you
learn it is bigger than just the fun times.
There is much more relationship intelligence that can help your relationship
to thrive, not just survive. Studying and adding to your relationship skills
by practicing intimacy can pay off for years. |
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