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Relationship Tips
Relationship Keys
Relationship Problem Help
Fix Relationship Problems
Around Conflict
Ah, to be in love. It feels
great. Then, time passes, things happen,
and it can begin to fade, to be replaced with relationship problems like
arguing and distancing and loneliness.
A lot of relationship problems can be helped simply by understanding more
about conflict. There are many useful things to understand about
conflict. A first one is that conflict is going to happen in any love
relationship. There are some good ways to deal with conflict and a lot of
bad ways.
Unhealthy ways to deal with conflict are to attack your mate. This can be
verbal or nonverbal. Trying to dominate them, argue with them, shout them
down, put them down. Mocking or deriding your partner by calling them names
and throwing insults is obviously an unhealthy way to deal with conflict.
There are some good things you can do during and after conflict. You can
start by taking a few deep lungfuls of air while you are in conflict. Notice
your reactions to the conflict as you do this. You will often see two adults
reverting to the emotional age of six year old children!
While breathing, also see if you can notice that conflict causes crappy
behavior. Crying, screaming, withdrawing, insulting each other. But the
crappy conduct only last a few minutes in most cases. See if you can stop
taking it so personally.
Another way to deal with conflict healthily is to learn to de-escalate it.
Don't let it build up to the point where you say or do things you'll regret.
One way to de-escalate can be to withdraw for five minutes. Say I need a few
minutes to think about this, then leave the room.
Research has shown that another important thing to do with conflict is not
to withdraw affection. If you argue, don't then withhold affection for a day
or two as a way to punish your partner. This creates lasting damage.
Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don't wait days to
talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don't
think it was your fault, reconnect. Say "sorry we fought, are you okay?" Do
not let the anger between you linger.
Dealing well with conflict takes practice and time to learn. But it is well
worth it. You're going to argue, the question is can you do so in a way that
doesn't kill off your relationship over time.
Fix Relationship Problems Actions
A. Notice whether you tend
to attack or withdraw during conflict.
B. See if you can calm the
tension down when arguing arises. Talk in a quieter tone of voice.
C. Try to listen more rather
than shout to be heard.
Relationship problems can usually
be solved by increasing your relationship intelligence. You can fix
relationship problems more easily when you add to your love skills.
Love doesn't just happen, it needs some focus and positive action.
This is easy to do if you spend a little time on it. |
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